I can not begin to describe what a rollercoaster of emotions these past 10 days have been. In fact I cant believe it’s only been 10 days!
Wednesday 17th June honestly changed my life. We were told we were going to lose the baby we had yet to meet and you can not prepare yourself for that.
Wednesday I turned up late to my routine scan appointment. I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t quite think the day would end as it did. I explained to the sonographer about the water loss two days before and she confirmed that yes my waters had broken and due to the lack of water, the scan was not clear so she could not see the sex.
She could however make out the vital bits (heart, organs, brain etc) and confirmed that the baby is growing at a normal rate. After my scan I was transferred onto the Day Assessment Unit where my blood pressure was taken, the baby’s heart beat monitored and my blood taken to be tested for infection.
My OH turned up at this point and I was telling him it all would be ok as Id read on Google earlier in the week that if the waters go, they could give the baby an injection blah blah blah obviously not having all of my facts correct. Its funny how you don’t read the bad bits when you really should isn’t it.
Once my blood results were back, I was told to go into the doctor’s office where there were already a doctor and midwife waiting. The doctor asked me how I was and asked if my partner was with me. She then asked the midwife to bring him in and at that point I knew it was serious. I can’t recall all of what she said but I do remember her stating, rather straight to the point that my waters had broken, I had an infection and because of this and the gestation of the baby we had to prepare ourselves for the baby to die.
Simple as that.
It was at this point that I saw OH look at me out of the corner of my eye but we remained calm and listened and nodded to everything she was saying.
We were then transferred onto the labour ward while they waited for a room to become available. It wasn't the best place to be as there were ladies going into labour there and then around me. Not exactly considerate.
It wasn’t until I started talking to my OH about having to tell my Mum that I finally cried. He did too. I think he was waiting for me to cry first, as some kind of permission that it was ok to let himself go.
Shortly afterwards he left to get a bag for my stay and I was given an internal to check that my cervix was fully closed. Thankfully it was and it still remains that way today. I don’t know how long it was before a private room was ready but I spent the time waiting by sending a multiple of text explaining the situation to friends and family as well as lots and lots of crying.
The first night on the Antenatal Ward was the worse night sleep I’ve ever had. I think I pretty much cried myself to sleep but was woken several times by women in labour, which I admit to feeling quite angry over, wondering why they had managed to get that far without any problem.
Monday I was sent down for a scan and thankfully the fluid around the baby had increased from 1.5 to 3.1. Unfortunately it was breach so it still didn’t show its bits off. It was also discovered via the scan that my placenta was lying over my cervix, which, I was told was the cause of the bleeding Id been experiencing.
During our 10 day stay my blood pressure was taken, baby’s heart beat monitored and my body temperature checked every four hourly. I was woken every other morning at 6am for a blood test and thankfully the infection has gone down from 17 – on admission - to 12 – today - but it should ideally be at 5. I was and still am on 10 tablets a day to fight the infection.
Every day – including today - the doctors have told us that the outlook isn’t good but do you know what, we’ve got this far and that’s what matters. I admit I feel sh*t scared about being back at home and not being at hospital in case something does go wrong but if it does then it does. We can only take each day as it comes.
As things stand at the moment, I still have an infection of which I have medication for and I have to go to the hospital every Tuesday and Friday to have my bloods taken so they can monitor the infection. I have to be on bed rest until due day and I have to drink plenty of fluid to encourage the baby to wee more to increase the fluid around itself. I also have to keep a daily eye on my temperature and the blood loss – hopefully though my placenta will rise which will cause the blood lose to decrease.
The current goal at the moment is to reach 24 weeks, as this is when they will start to inject me with steroids to help the baby’s lungs develop quicker incase it does decide to show its face early.
Let’s just hope that Bob carries on its fight and that we prove these doctors wrong.
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