2 Cervix and A Blood Clot ...

... trust me to be different but to be honest, am I really that surprised?

Today we had the third scan at the hospital; it was to check up on Bob’s progress due to the recurring blood loss over the past few weeks.

I’m happy to report that the baby is fine, its heart was beating away like a trooper and it’s been confirmed as eight weeks and four days 'old'; putting me back two days from my original EDD. It’s also a cute 18.7mm from head to bum hehe

However; it appears the cause for all of this bleeding is a blood clot which is sitting just below one of my cervix. Yes that’s right; one of my cervix.

The scan showed that there is a possibility that I have two (!?)

The woman scanning me called for a specialist to come down to give his opinion but he wasn’t available so I was asked to go wait in the waiting room so that I could be seen by a nurse.

I was eventually called into the nurse’s office where I was given an internal exam using the same machine which they use for a smear test and a swab was taken as I *TMI Alert!* have been experiencing a vast amount of discharge of late. I was then given an internal from the nurse herself who said that what she could feel, did feel thicker then normal.

For a second time the contraption was put inside of me so that the nurse could get a good look up there but typically she couldn’t see much.

I’ve been told that I will have to come back one day this week to see the specialist so he can confirm if I have two cervix or not and we were also advised that the clot will probably go one of two ways;

It will either carry on 'trickling' out as it has done for the past few weeks, or it will burst and come out in one go. Either way the nurse has assured us not to worry if either happens as the baby is healthy and it will solely be the clot and not the baby.

If I do however have two cervixes then it means that I will have to have a c-section to deliver the baby and they have hinted that this could be the very reason why it has taken us so bloody long to fall pregnant to start with. I guess that’s the one good thing to come out of it.

So there we go. Despite wanting a nice, normal, boring pregnancy, I get one like this but hey, the baby is ok and as long as it stays ok, I really couldn’t care less about everything else.

3rd Scan Worries

In my last journal entry I was feeling majorly down and to be honest, I had given up hope I guess.

I knew pregnancy wasn’t easy but I’d never have imagined that I’d signed up for a nine month rollercoaster ride.

We have a third scan tomorrow which will hopefully confirm that Bob is still in there, alive and kicking. I will be one day off being nine weeks, so the twelve week mark is starting to be within touching distance now.

I must say, this weekend I started to relax again and really enjoy the pregnancy despite having a little bleed yesterday after two days of nothing. For the first time it didn’t freak me out. I guess I’m getting used to it.

I have since worked out that I would have been due on my period between last Sunday and Wednesday, which is when the majority of the bleeding and cramps happened. Maybe this is a cause for all of the bleeding?

Another thing I noticed over the weekend is that I’m starting to fall in love with my OH all over again ... if that makes sense.

We've been together ten years and I obviously love him already but going through two years of trying which took over our lives, as well as having to deal with the other crap which life throws at you, it’s nice to finally look at him; not as a way of getting pregnant but as the father to my unborn child.

Obviously I wont tell him this as he'll just tell me to shut up and stop being stupid :) but its nice to know, that after all these years and the amount of crap which has gone on around us, I feel confident that we can get through whatever else life throws at us.

Just as long as it doesn’t throw anything at us too soon though! :)

Preparing Myself to Say Goodbye

This past week I have been bleeding on and off, only for it to become heavier and for the cramps to go beyond the pain of period cramps.

I woke up this morning to discover that I had bled all through the night, something of which has never happened before as it’s only ever lasted for a few hours at most.

Thankfully we already have a third scan booked for this Tuesday coming.

Another thing which is also bothering me somewhat is that I no longer have any kind of ‘symptoms’. Instead my body just feels how it does when it’s preparing itself for a period.

In my heart I know that the baby is either dying or it has died but my body is taking its time to remove it. I’ve so far only had tiny clots but being eight weeks I know I will be able to feel it when it does eventually come out. This is an image I do not want to see. The thought of my baby being flushed down the toilet like a dead pet fish is something that I know will haunt me forever and I don’t want it to happen.

At this moment in time I can’t even imagine having to try again for a baby which has already taken over two years to conceive. I guess I’m lucky in that at least despite having to wait for so long to fall pregnant, I have fallen pregnant but it doesn’t make it ok.

Why won’t this baby do. I would have rather have gone through two more months of periods and sadness that I wasn’t pregnant; then this.

The constant worry that my baby will leave as it can’t cope any longer inside of what is suppose to be its protection, its safe house, is breaking me down.

I can’t bear the five day wait for the scan!