Money Worries

Where do I start?

• The week before finding out I was pregnant, we were moving ourselves into our own flat after six months of living at the MIL's due to redundancy on my behalf 9 months before.

• I was starting a brand new permanent job which had taken me over a year of temping to find.

• Then after twenty eight months of TTC; we were pregnant.

They say things come in three’s.

I’m now seventeen weeks pregnant, claiming job seekers allowance after being sacked and we are struggling like hell to find the money to live from week to week let alone pay the rent!

I got my first JSA payment today; a whole £101 to last us two weeks. I’ve just had to pay out £40 of it to one of our debtors who were threatening to send the bailiffs round. We are over £9000 in debt and we have been paying out over £200 per month just to pay them off.

WTF are we to do. How the hell are we going to cope when this baby arrives if we are struggling now.

It was all sorted, we had plans.

I was going to return to work after nine months maternity and as the OH is self employed he would look after the baby while working from home.

Now however, instead of having a relaxing pregnancy and enjoying the fact that we finally managed to conceive, I am looking for temp work and when feeling really down like today, a very small part of me wishes that I wasn’t pregnant at all. It kills me to say it but if I wasn’t then I would be able to find a job and make things right again.

At the moment it feels like I’m doomed to be stuck indoors for the next six months dreading letters through the door or phone calls and not being able to buy the things which I wanted to buy for our new long awaited baby.

17 Weeks

As much as I love being pregnant, over the past couple of days I have felt quite down about it. I think it’s due to being stuck in this house, doing nothing with my day except housework and job searching. I wouldn’t mind so much if I had a baby to look after while doing the housework but when your day revolves around nothing but it, it does get you down.

I spent a lot of time yesterday crying or asleep. I know the OH is worrying about me not working and therefore not bringing in the much needed monthly pay but as I keep explaining to him, I’m trying to get a job and I am getting phone calls from agencies which seem to go positively at first until I mention that I’m pregnant and then I never hear from them again.

I had to sign on for the first time today at the job centre and as soon as I got there my heart sank. The man behind the desk, told me that I was to be put forward for a days class this Thursday on 'how to look for work'. No offence to anyone but I have been working non-stop since I was 16 and I have never had a problem with being in employment; whether it be permanent or temporary.

I know how to get a job but I simply can’t get a job. I don’t need to spend a day in a classroom 'learning' something of which is out of my control.

After the visit to the job centre, I had a call from the OH's friends partner who has a little boy, asking me if I wanted to come round for the afternoon. While there, she brought out a black bin liner FULL of vests, sleep suites, booties, jeans, dungarees, t-shirts, hats, shirts and knitted items. I haven’t yet counted how many items there are in total but; they add up to four full loads of washing!

I know some people don’t like to use second hand clothes on babies but my way of thinking is that what she has given us is from Newborn to nine months and the majority of it is from Baby Gap and Next and to buy it all new would cost a FORTUNE of which we simply don’t have!

She explained that 60% of it has never been worn as they were brought so many items from friends and family, that he grew out of it before she got around to putting it on him – another great reason why second hand can be better.

Two loads of the clothes are now hanging up to dry around the flat and it’s quite a strange sight to see.:)

Over the past couple of days I have been experiencing pains in my belly area. It’s like slight cramping but I guess it’s more stretching pains then anything to worry about. At the same time I have also started to feel the baby kicking which is amazingly strange but I love it so so much. He/she seems to kick in response to things as well. We seem to be in tune with each other already.

The sides of my belly have now started to harden and I can no longer sleep on my back comfortably. Sleeping on my side is not much better either but it saves me from waking up with cramp in my leg or in need of the toilet during the night.

This evening I noticed that my *TMI Alert* discharge has gone slightly brown in colour. To be fair I have been expecting to see this due to my period which would have been last week; as in previous months, so I’m not going to stress myself out about it as there is only three weeks to go until the twenty week scan and plus I have had a very busy day running after a mad three year old boy. If anything changes then of course I will go down to the hospital.

It’s now 1am and time for bed. Zzz I have so many things going around in my head at the moment which needed to come out via my fingers tonight. Here’s hoping that tomorrow brings some luck job wise.

Changes in Belly Size

I know that a normal belly increases as the day goes on, but mine seems to be all different sizes during different times of the day.

When I wake, it’s hardly there but close to bed time, it appears as though I am due to give birth. I'll admit that since being unemployed I'm not eating as much as I'm not in any routine - i.e. breakfast/lunch etc - but I sometimes feel like its just belly fat and not a baby.

I'm 15+2 and I have put on a stone, yet I can still fit into my jeans...

My Pro's of Pregnancy

There are quite a few posts on my Birth Board regarding the negative things of pregnancy so I thought I would make a list of my Pro's of Pregnancy considering its taken us so long to get here and despite my moans and groans about life in general; I love being pregnant. I just wish others did also.

Here is my top 3:

*Even though our finances could be better, over the past couple of weeks I have learnt to become more relaxed and less stressed about things of which beforehand would have felt like the end of the world.

*Standing in front of the mirror has never been so fascinating (or enjoyable)

*Yes I now have spots and nasty hair but I actually don't care. I feel as though I am entitled to look like a crazy lady with messy hair and a greasy face and I really don't care what others think.

Blah Blah Blah

I thought I would do a post today as, well frankly I’m bored.

Tonight is my best friends 30th birthday meal, of which I’m looking forward to but also a bit miffed at that I can’t get drunk with her and everyone else who is going. It will be strange not being a part of it but I would rather be pregnant then drunk tonight.

I tried on a dress this morning which I brought a few weeks back and it JUST fits over my ever expanding bump. Infact it’s now more like a long pink top so, I’m going to wear it with some black leggings and brave wearing some black heels. I haven’t worn heels since falling pregnant but at least I'll have a clear head to walk straight in them.

I have posted the twelve week scan pictures onto a website where the ladies on there guess the baby’s sex from their 'nub' and so far all fifteen comments have said they would be surprised if it wasn’t a boy because apparently the nub is very distinctive. :)

I’ve still not found a job despite applying for anything and everything going, so last night I had a change around of my CV and reposted it again in the hope it would make someone view it and say 'oh yes she'll be perfect'. With my OH being self employed, he has got me helping him out with the posting and packaging etc which has taken some of the load off of him and it has given me something else to do other then housework.

I don’t think there is anything much else to say …

(picture 16 week belly)

Nappies

I have just brought my first two packs of nappies as they were on offer at Tesco's but in all honesty I don't know if I have brought the correct ones.

They are Pampers Mini's and they state on the packet that they are ok for 6-13lbs New Born but what is the difference between these and the normal New Born nappies they also had on offer?

Everything I have brought so far seems either too small or too big. I'm not exactly sure what I'm expecting this baby to come out like and TBH its all quite scary lol

16 weeks {159 days to go}

Dear Bobby,

We've made it to and past the four month mark; I can’t believe it! :)

Considering the bleeding in the first few weeks and the trouble your Dad and I had to conceive you, it’s amazing to be a third of the way in.

There isn’t a lot to report in this post. I'm still unemployed and I have unfortunately signed myself onto the Governments payroll. I’m applying for jobs daily but it’s not looking that likely that I will be employed by the time you arrive.

I met up with some friends a couple of nights back, one of those friends is pregnant also but her baby is nine weeks older in gestation then you and she already knows the sex of her baby - it’s a girl. :) We find out your sex in three weeks time and I cannot tell you how excited I am about seeing you again on the monitor. Between you and me I have a very strong feeling that you are a boy but if Im wrong I do not care, I just hope you are healthy and happy.

Your Dad has started to get a little more excited these past couple of weeks. He's not the best for showing his emotions but he now touches my belly without me asking him too and he even now listens to me when I give him the weekly progress report on what you should be doing this week lol. He's even brought you a camouflage waterproof jacket and trousers for when you’re old enough to go fishing with him. Aren't you lucky. Lol :)

I think I have felt little movements from you these past couple of weeks but I cannot be sure. I hope they are. This morning and a couple of mornings ago, I’ve woken with you laying on one side of my belly ... Now that is strange. Its rock hard the side you are laying on but its soft the side you are not. :) Unfortunately you seem to move back to the middle when I get up but it’s lovely to see and feel you there.

Tomorrow I'm meeting up with my best friend and her Daughter. We are going to go to the cinema, I haven't been to the cinema for a couple of years and between you and me, I don't really like films but it will be nice to meet up with them both and to get out of the house. We haven’t seen as much of each other since I fell pregnant but that’s only natural I guess.

We had a touch earlier this week. A girlfriend of your Dad's friend, gave us a black bin liner full of baby clothes. 60% of them have never been worn and funny enough 20% of them are boy’s clothes. They are so cute, I’ve washed them all and they look very strange hanging up in the wardrobe. I can’t wait to see you in them. Talking of which both of your Nan’s have been busy buying knitting patterns. It’s a good job you will be born in winter as I have a feeling you will be wearing wool for the first few months of your life if your Nan's have anything to do with it. Aren’t you a lucky little sheep?! :)

Love Mummy xox

Life Isnt a Soap Opera, Its Real

It's funny how life turns out and who/what becomes relevant in your life and who/what doesn’t.

I’ve just had a call from a school friend to tell me that a 'boy' who was in our class at school has just died from Meningitis.

I haven’t seen him since school so we were not close but I do know that he had two young children.

Despite the fact that we weren’t close it’s still sad and a shock to think that he has died so young and from something which - may it be ignorance on my part - I presumed only children caught.

As what usually happens when someone you know dies, it makes you think about your life and what would happen to your friends and family should something happen to you or how you would feel if something happened to them.

It’s just another sad reminder that not everyone will die as a pensioner surrounded by their Grandchildren, lying in their own bed while reminiscing about their long fulfilled life.

Life is for living and no matter how crap it seems right now, it’s not as bad as what friends, family and strangers may currently be feeling.

As the old saying goes; take every day as it comes because it may soon be your last.

Hard Lump in Belly

Since hitting the 16 week mark I have found it uncomfortable to sleep on my back anymore so I have been falling asleep on my right hand side instead, only to wake up on my back in the morning anyway.

This morning I did the same, but as soon as I opened my eyes, I felt the urge to feel my belly and the left hand side of my belly, I could poke right in but the right hand side was solid which felt very strange.

I think this could be the baby :)

Having walked around the flat for a bit my belly has since gone back to its normal podgy self but my right hand side feels sligthly stretched; as though something has been in there.

Its very very strange but lovely.

Back Ache

I am suffering from a fair case of back ache at the moment.

To be fair since hitting the 2nd trimester I have become more active but I can’t seem to go out for longer then 30 mins without getting a backache.

And it’s not my bag causing it because I have been wearing it on both shoulders to see if it was that.

Its more annoying then anything else.

Baby on a Budget

Well as this baby is going to be on a budget, I thought I would start on that note ... I spent the weekend at my parents and today we went to a car boot.

There was a really nice stall full of baby stuff and I brought the following items all for just a grand total of £5.50!

• A pair of booties
• Two pairs of scratch mittens
• Three hats
• Three pairs of socks
• Four bibs
• Four vests
• Six sleep suits

It’s so strange to sit here and look at them. It feels like I'm keeping them aside for someone else. I still can’t get my head around the fact that despite my growing belly, my back aching and the constant wind trapped inside of me, that there could actually be a living growing human in there.

I keep trying to imagine what it’s doing inside of me right now. Is it asleep, is it kicking away, is it tired of all this travelling and walking that its Mummy keeps doing lately. Does it, like me, just want to sit there, fall asleep and wake up to find that she’s won the lottery without even buying a ticket?

Talking of which, I’ve still not been paid my wages.

I wrote a letter to my employers regarding not working my two days notice of which I emailed over to them on Friday before I left for my parents and I’ve come back tonight to read an email reply saying that the letter isn't good enough so they still won’t release my wages.

We are so deeply overdrawn with the bank (so much so that once my rent comes out we probably won’t have anything left) and now the rent is two weeks behind. As well as that the OH's money is running out because we are using it to live on.

I'm not sure what to do next as I’ve spoken to CA and they are simply sending some information in the post but how does that help us pay for the things we need now?

B*llox to it all.

There has to be a reason for all of this to happen now of all times, so bring on whatever there is next to bring on so that we can get it out of the way.

*humph*:(

14 weeks {178 days to go}

Dear Bobby,

Since my last post we have had the twelve week scan. You’re perfect.

I swear I can see your Dad's lips and my nose but apart from that you’re perfect. :) I can even see your toes! Your legs are so long just like your Dads. Your head to bum measurement however is a little smaller than average and I'm afraid you've got that from me. There is even a 50,000 to one chance of you being Down's so that is good news.

I’ve also lost my job. I got sacked last Thursday and I am seriously considering taking my employers to a tribunal over it. I won’t write too much about that for now in case it does go to court. So Bob, you are now officially a ‘baby on a budget'. :(

I’ve applied for some temp jobs but with five months to go until I go on Maternity Leave I very much doubt I will get anything. I’m just thankful that as your Dad is self employed, there’s not much chance of him losing his job. I’ve paid my dues in taxes anyway, so I’m due something back from the Government but it’s a shame I have to take it from them now.

I spent this weekend at your Grandparents again as your Dad went fishing; again. I brought the following items for you of which I will admit feels like I'm holding onto them for someone else. Even now at fourteen weeks, you still don't seem real.

A pair of booties
2 pairs of scratch mittens
3 hats
3 pairs of socks
4 bibs
4 vests
6 sleep suits

That's all to report right now. There isn’t a lot going on this month as it all seems to be happening in June. We’ve got our next Midwife appointment on the 4th June and the next scan on the 17 June. It’s also your Uncle's birthday in June too so no doubt I will be back down to your Grandparents for that weekend.

Goodbye for now Bob.

PS: Please stop giving me backache; it hurts!

Love Mummy xox

Sooo Angry

God I can not explain how angry I am right now. Thanks to this I can type it all out without having to scream it out or worse; cry.

I was supposed to have been paid my final wages on May 5th.

I sent an email to work this morning asking where my wages are and I have just had this reply back:

'I sent you a letter last night, advising that I would be paying you up to your last day of employment, rather than paying you up to the end of the month and then waiting until the end of May to pay you for your notice period. This seemed a more practicable thing to do, and would also be better for you to have your salary in one lump sum rather than delaying part of it until the end of May, when our next salary run is made.

I will now do your salary up accordingly, and forward a cheque to you in the post along with your P45 and final payslip'

I.e. they have kept my wages back from me!

After the cheque has arrived, been put into the bank and cleared it will be another two weeks before we get any money!

Our rent was due on the 5th and the bills have come out via DD making us £180 overdrawn. FFS!!! :(

As the OH is self employed, his money is sparingly and to be fair it goes directly into our savings account which means that any money we take from that, takes a week to be moved to the bank account.

This has now made me realise that I need to speak to the Citizens Advice because if they want to f*ck me around ~ its pretty clear they know exactly what they are doing and have done so all along ~ then I will do the same back.

They have messed with the wrong hormonal woman.

14 Weeks

Today I am fourteen weeks pregnant. :)

It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was worried about the bleeding which was occurring and how the twelve week mark seemed so far away. However now; these two weeks since the twelve week mark, have gone quite fast.

I’m also into day three of being unemployed.

I’m off to the dole office this afternoon to get things in motion but I can’t for the life of me find the letter from the employer, so I’m hoping I can find it otherwise any benefit may be delayed.

Being on the dole is the last thing I want but I’m not getting anywhere job hunting and the bills don’t pay themselves.

I know it’s extra hard out there at the moment but each week is now vital and an extra step closer to my maternity leave.

I was expecting my last pay packet yesterday but I’ve checked the bank and nothing has been paid in, however the bills have been paid out so we are now overdrawn.

I know that now I am not working I should be concentrating on housework etc but I just cant get my backside in gear let alone my mind in the right place, as at the moment it feels like I’m simply on annual leave.

Oh well, I'll have a nosey on the www and then back to reality it is.

Nursery

Something has started to bother me even though I realise it’s not a necessity yet because we live in an 'I want it all' world it’s becoming an issue; even if it appears to be a stupid one to some.

Because we currently live in a one bedroom flat which we rent and the contract isn’t due to expire until next February, this will mean that we will not have the privilege of having space to have a nursery.

To be honest it’s only become an issue since I started looking at baby stuff to buy and reading some of the plans ladies have on my Birth Board doesn't help and so when I think of not having a nursery, I feel a tad sad and quite jealous.

Silly yes, but I would just like this baby to have everything there is out there to give it.