Sacked

Yep, today they finally sacked me. :(

I say finally because funny enough before telling them I was pregnant, they had no problem with my work.

Five weeks down the line they have had me in the office three times, going through every piece of my work and thinking about it, making sure I had signed my contract which funny enough I hadn’t receive beforehand, plus every other day I have been told off for one thing or another.

Today I was told off for my status on Messenger. We use Messenger to communicate at work as we are separated over a three floors. As you would expect sometimes people change their status, it’s natural. Yesterday, I changed mine to 'Is it Friday yet? If not, why not?’ Apparently, according to my Manager it shows that I don’t want to be there ... I said I thought it was funny and doesn’t everyone long for the weekend. She says it isnt and that no they dont.

My last day is next Thursday, however, tomorrow will be my last day because if they think I am going in for three days next week while I could be at home sorting my arse out trying to find another job then they really don’t have a clue.

Another thing to add is that the week after I told them I was pregnant, they started interviewing for my replacement, telling me that I would be moved from my role as PA to Admin. I even spent Monday and Tuesday training her FFS!

I really thought that things had finally turned around in our life.

Oh well, life goes on as they say. We have struggled before and we coped so we shall do it again I guess.

All this crying has given me a headache. It’s a shame I can’t have an alcoholic drink as I could really do with one or five right now.

First Time Mum Worries

As amazing as Fridays scan was, it has suddenly made it all real.

I’ve been allowing myself over the weekend to start to imagine it being born, it growing into a toddler and that’s as far as I get before I start to panic.

I’m laughing as I type but I’m actually sh*tting myself that:

a) I’ll be a crap Mum

b) I’ll not know what to the hell to do with it when it does arrive

c) I’ll not feed it enough, I'll keep it too warm and vice verse

d) That the stress of sleepless nights will cause us problems

e) That we can not afford it …

Actually scrap that last thought; no one can afford to have a child.

12 Week Scan

Baby Bob is alive and most certainly kicking! :)

Infact he/she kicked and stretched all the way through, so much so that the woman doing the scan commented on what an active baby it was and she kept poking it in order to make it move when it settled. Lol

He/she also appears to have very long legs like its Daddy which is a good thing because I’d rather it be that way then be a short arse like me.

I can’t believe how clear the baby looked either; like a proper little person. It’s hard to get my head around the fact that it’s really inside my belly and not just on a TV screen. The rush of feeling I had when seeing it was something I’ve never experienced before and I now know that I will do anything possible to make sure this baby is safe and well.

This whole growing a baby thing is so so strange yet so so lovely to be able to do all at the same time.

2nd Trimester!

Wow, I cant believe we have made it to the 2nd trimester!

Looking back over how much has happened over these past 12 weeks, I cant believe we will have our little baby by the end of this year! 


(picture 12 week belly)

More Blood and Stress at Work

I know I keep saying it but I really really, want to walk out of this office and never come back.

I’ve been crying to my OH this morning down the phone. Yet again I have come into the office to my Manager telling me off for things I have not done 'correctly'.

I didn’t add the correct details onto an appointment apparently. As it turns out they are on a machine of which I didn’t even know existed and so in defiance, when I emailed the details over to my Director, I told him that!

I’m sure there will be other things for them to have a go at me for though, as it seems to be the pattern every day for the past couple of weeks.

I wish I could walk out but I’m stuck. Who’s going to want to take on a three month pregnant woman now? There’s no way we can afford for me to be out of a job as it’s hard enough as it is with both of our wages.

To top things off, late yesterday evening I went to the toilet and there was bright red blood when I wiped. I kept an eye on it for the remainder of the night and thankfully it only seemed to appear when I wiped.

Today, it’s now brown and quite heavy and doesn’t just appear when I wipe. I’m praying it’s the blood clot in my uterus coming out and nothing else.

We have the twelve week scan this Friday thankfully.

The baby was fine a few weeks back after my last bleed so I’m clinging to that as a good sign. The nurse did say the clot would come out eventually but I wasn’t expecting it to do so now, not when I’ve had no bleeding for three weeks. I’ve even been allowing myself to start planning things for the baby in my head.

Roll on Friday. It can’t come quickly enough.

Discharge

Yes this post is going to be full of waaay too much information for a Monday afternoon, but I need to post it as I feel like a freak.

Since falling pregnant I have had a shocking increase in discharge. Its got so bad these last few weeks that I have been having to wear pant liners 24/7. Its putting me off DTD with OH and I'm seriously considering taking out a few shares in Always just for the hell of it.

I have had a test done to make sure it wasn’t an infection but unfortunately its not; it’s my hormones which means that I have to live with it for however long it lasts for.

Yet another thing no one tells you about when they talk of the 'joys of pregnancy'!

P*ssed Off Pregnant Woman Needs to Vent

I am on the verge of walking out of my job.

I can’t seem to do anything right here ever since I told them I was pregnant. I seem to be told to do one thing by my Director and then Im getting told off for doing it by my Manager!

Every single f*cking thing I do, there is something wrong with it.

I’ve just had to go to the toilets to have a cry as I am being made to feel like I’m as thick as sh*t and yes they do keep mentioning that I’m pregnant and that my brain isn’t on the job and that I’m not listening properly to my instructions, when I know for a fact that I was not told to do that something in the first place and then when I do do something, there is always something to pick at on it!!!  

*breath*

I tried to talk back to my Manager this morning but of course I got beaten down to the point where I couldn’t do anything but nod and then walk off and head straight for the toilet. I feel as though the woman hates me.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t come back on Monday but being pregnant I feel as though I’m trapped here. Ok I’m crying again god damn it.

Ok. I am going to get back to my work and go over everything before I go home to make sure they have nothing to come back at me on in the morning.

I really wish I had the choice to walk out.

Morning Sickness

There are tons of posts on my Birth Board about morning sickness, and yet I have not had any so far.

I know its not a nice thing to have it and Im not complaining that I dont have it this time round, but there’s nothing out there to say that its normal and yet there is plenty of sites out there who say that morning sickness is normal as its the baby getting what it needs.

Well if that is the case, then what the hell is my baby surviving on?!

11 weeks {200 days to go}

 

Dear Bobby,

I have just logged on to see how big you now are since my last visit and I can’t believe how 'human' you look.

Here's another 'little' update for you;

• We had the scan on the 31st March. It was a strange morning to say the least. I turned up late at the EPU as I knew that I would have to wait around for four hours otherwise, so I turned up at the last minute which worked out quite well because I was then the last to be seen and I only had to wait about two hours.

The scan was lovely. I was alone for this scan; I wanted to be alone because of the amount of bleeding which has been taking place and if it turned out that you were gone I wanted to have a few moments to myself to get my head around it before going home. You were ok though and you looked strangely alien like lol. Whereas before your heart beat showed up in an instant, this time because you are bigger it didn't which made me panic for a split second but it appeared once the nurse zoomed in on you.

I didn't manage to steal your scan photos as I wanted to because they were not in my hospital notes! :( I need to ask them where they are during my next scan, as I have started a scrapbook of our pregnancy of which I would like to put them in.

The nurse spotted a blood clot which appears to be the reason for the bleed. It is nowhere near you thankfully so I was advised that it would not affect you in any way. Since that day, I have not had a single bleed.

• I told work that I was pregnant the day after the scan, only because I could no longer come up with an excuse to take a day off. Yes I hate work but I have no choice but to stick it out until maternity leave. I'm dreading the thought of coming back here but that's a bridge we will have to cross when the time comes.

• I had my first midwife appointment last Thursday 16th April. I was stupidly excited until I got there because it was actually quite boring. Your Dad came too but there wasn't really any need for him to. They want to do a diabetes test at twenty eight weeks because your Granddad and Great Granddad both have it. The midwife also weighed me and I have already put on a stone!!! You are going to make me so fat by the time you are ready to come out lol. :)

• Talking of your Great Granddad. He fell over, over the Easter Holidays and broke his hip so he is now in the hospital. It was a friend’s birthday last weekend from back home and afterwards I went to visit Granddad at the hospital. Mum and Dad were there also so it was nice to see them too. You’re Uncle and his girlfriend came down to stay at ours for the weekend as they had tickets for a concert that Saturday. It’s always nice to see your Uncle as due to the distance in miles where we both live from each other, we don’t get to see each other that often and I admit to crying a bit when he left. At least I can blame it on the hormones. :)

I am so excited about next Friday as it’s the twelve week scan!!! This scan will tell us for sure how old you really are and when you are due. I'm so looking forward to it and I can’t wait to see you again. It’s been three weeks since the last time we saw you and I'm also looking forward to seeing how much you have grown. However at the same time I admit that I am a little bit scared in case you are not ok. Positive thoughts needed all week!!!

I will come back and let you know how Friday went. Until then, please be well but please stop making me so tired that I can’t get up for work on time, I got another telling off today.

Love Mummy xox

Easter Weekend Blabble

Well the Bank Holidays are now officially over and done with and back to work tomorrow it is :( God I hate work.

I was supposed to be seeing the specialist tomorrow at the EPU but I found out on Thursday that my manager is off which means that I can’t be.

I’ve got my booking in appointment on Thursday with the midwife at my GP surgery, which I’m very much looking forward to. I need her to get the ball rolling regarding the twelve week scan, which I am so excited about as I haven’t seen Bob since week eight and while there, I am going to ask her if she can sort me out another appointment with the specialist.

This weekend has been quiet but nice. I had two friends over on Saturday for a catch up and some pizza. One did the best friend duty of finishing off the half bottle of wine which had been sitting in my fridge for the past month.

My OH was in need of a pint on Saturday afternoon after shopping for his Mum's birthday (which is today) presents so, not to feel left out, I had a non-alcoholic Becks which surprisingly tasted like the real thing. I won’t be making a habit of that though.

My Granddad had an operation yesterday after falling over on Friday and breaking his hip. My parents had to spend the weekend up there with him as it turns out he hasn’t been looking after himself or his house. I wish Granddad would agree to go into a home as he would be so much better off there.

Having this weekend off has really made me think about going back to work after the baby is born. I really don’t want to go back to that place. I have no choice but to go back to work but the thought of having to work all day at a place I hate, come home to my baby already asleep and then going off again in the morning is not a nice thought, plus the company isn’t very flexible in regards to holiday etc.

I’m seriously thinking of taking a job in my local Sainsbury’s instead but as with most other things in my life, it shall be dealt with when it needs to be dealt with.

(picture 10 week belly)

Indigestion

Jesus Christ Super Star!

I can not sleep at the moment simply because I can not move through a bad case of indigestion. I have noticed that I appear to have a taste for dairy products at present and yet when I drink or eat anything dairy, it gives me very bad indigestion.

Pointless post but something I wanted to remember and note not to eat or drink again.

Flutters

I 'think' I have been experiencing flutters recently.

I know its too early for it to be a kick as I'm only 10 weeks but it is a little like when you get a twitch; but a very light version of a twitch, within my belly area.

Its the strangest but loveliest feeling in the world.

Off To See The Specialist

Yey finally some progress has been made :)

I had a doctors appointment last night which to be honest was a waste of time, as he asked me if I’d had any more bleeding of which I said, “no, not in the past two weeks”. With that he told me to carry on as I was and that was it

I mentioned the fact that despite telling him at five weeks that I was pregnant, I still hadn’t heard anything from/about the midwife so he told me to speak to the receptionist on my way out, who went on to explain that the fax request hadnt been sent over yet, so they have booked me in provisionally for Friday 17th April and the midwife will call this Thursday to confirm if that date is ok.

I will be twelve weeks on the 17th, so god only knows when the twelve week scan will be booked in for.

I’ve also just got off the phone from the EPU at the hospital to discuss last weeks scan and the need to see a specialist.

She advised me that she has spoken to the specialist and I am to come in to see him next Tuesday so he can have a proper look up there to see what’s going on. She said that the scan shows I defiantly don’t have two uteri but that I may still have two cervixes (?!)

The swab tests have come back clear which is good and *TMI Alert!* she has put the excessive discharge down to my hormones working overtime.

Only another thirty one weeks of this to go :)

Random Blabble

The hospital is really p*ssing me off at the moment.

They told me last Tuesday that they would contact me regarding my last scan but have I heard anything all week … No. Could I get hold of anyone to talk to all week … No.

I’ve just got off the phone to the woman at the EPU, who asked me to call back after 3pm as she still hasn’t done anything with my file! Jesus :(

*and breath*

I have a doctors appointment tonight to hopefully *fingers crossed* book my first midwife appointment. Due to the hospital dealing with me over the past four weeks, I have had no contact from my doctors and therefore no news of a midwife or any routine scan dates ect.

I had a letter from the doctors last weekend asking to book an appointment 'regarding your test results' so I presume it’s to get the ball rolling. It’s at 6pm tonight so we shall see.

The OH has gone fishing this morning with a friend of his and he is due to come back on Wednesday evening. It’s going to be bliss. I can not wait to come home tonight after the doctors, order a pizza, play a bit of Sims and then go to bed nice and early.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend after work for some dinner and some pregnancy chat as she is due her first also, in August, so that will be nice.

Not hearing the words 'what’s for dinner' for the next three nights is nothing but heaven to my ears right now :)