‘The pain of bereavement has been compared to that of losing a limb. It doesn't come back, you will always miss it but you also learn to adapt to living without it.’
It’s been said many a time before that grief is a strange thing and how right that statement is. How do you know you are still grieving when you look and feel ‘normal’. Do you ever really stop grieving for someone just because you do not cry for them every day. What makes one persons grief more plausible then another. Is it possible to ever ‘get over it’ if you ‘give it time’.
These are just some of the questions going around in my head at the moment. Feeling ‘normal’ has caused this confusion and mass guilt trip I am currently experiencing. Most of us cant wait to feel ‘normal’ again yet no one tells you that when that time does arrive, so does the feeling of guilt that maybe you are starting to forget your Angel and the lessons their death has taught you. If in order to cope you got to the mind frame that their death ‘happened for a reason’ and maybe that reason was to change you and your perspective on life – now that you and your life are starting to get back to normal – does that mean their death was in vain. Did their death really teach you anything at all. Do you really become a better person through a loved one’s last breath.
I remember feeling a strong sense of empowerment a little while after the shock had eased. I had a strong sense that nothing could stop me from achieving what I now wanted to do because at the end of the day, if I could survive giving birth to a sleeping baby then I could survive anything life had to throw at me. I wanted to do something with my life to make him proud, and yet ten months on; reality is that none of those things have happened.
There is a huge difference between ideas and actions and it takes a lot of time and effort to put your ideas into action. Yes grief does make you stronger but it can also disable you in other areas which until you go there, you did not know the fear existed.
What exactly is the point of life. The only guarantee you have is that you will die; everything else in-between is either due to pure luck or hard work. Do we have a role to maintain or are we just here for the hell of it – no pun intended.
