Our Last Post

 

Dear Bobby,

I think this will be the last post written directly to you as this time last week I was in the process of giving birth to you. Not that you need to be told, as you were there.

I have already written you a heartfelt letter which has been placed in your coffin so there is nothing more I can add to this post right now; except for me to reiterate how much I miss you. There hasn't been a day since you fell asleep that I haven't cried. I hate what my body did to you.

You were perfect and had it not been for my body you would be kicking me in the stomach right now.

The 10 days we spent together at the hospital, I felt so close to you. I talked daily to you, you kicked every time you were prodded by the nurses and we would play a game where Id poke my belly button and you would push it back. Why did you have to leave?

Visiting you at the morgue on Tuesday is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I was so scared at what you might look like but you were/are perfect.

You have my chin and your Daddy's nose and lips. You even have his long legs, fingers and toes. Everything right down to your mini black eyebrows are perfect. I wish we had got to see what you would have looked like at full term; to know what colour your eyes would have been.

Holding you for those 45 minutes, talking to you, saying goodbye has helped a little but the hurt will never go away. I hope you didn't mind too much your Daddy not coming to see you. He deals with things differently from me and he has taken you leaving us in a bad way.

Naming you Bobby was so easy. All the way through I knew you were a Boy and everyone knew you via your nickname of Bob so Bobby seemed so fitting. I hope you like it.

Yesterday was my birthday and I felt so so down; it wasn’t supposed to have been like that this year. Surprisingly out of the blue late in the afternoon I had a call regarding a job with a tomorrow/today start! I really really hope you had something to do with it. I promise I will make this job work and that we will get our life back on track.

I hope you like your memorial tattoo I had done of your initial on my wrist today. It hurt like hell but it was worth the pain because now every time I look down, I see nothing but your little face.

I love you Bobby. I love you so much.

Love Mummy xox