A New Phase

The need to be pregnant again has been very very strong today.

I have told my OH that I don't want to start trying again until the end of the year but having a nose around my old birth board looking at all the growing belly's is making me want to be back there; to be back as a part of it all instead of the outsider that I now feel through no ones fault but my own.

I hate to admit it but I can feel a lot of jealousy starting to build up inside. I’ve been trying so hard not to feel jealous because I remember having them horrible feelings while TTC. I guess this is normal but it’s far from being nice.

My OH cried himself to sleep last night. This is the first time he has cried since Bobby's death and I am thankful that he is finally starting to let go. I’m thankful because I was starting to worry about him bottling it all up like he has a habit of doing over everything emotional.

Having just read back through this post, I think I’m going to give the baby site a miss for a few days; or at least until the horrible feelings have gone and the more positive ones have come back.

I think I'll quit while I’m ahead.