Back To Life. Back To Reality

The bank holiday is over and we are back to reality.

OH and I ended up staying this long weekend on the South East Coast with one of his friends. The idea was to use his place as digs to sleep and he would pretty much leave us to it but as first thought it didn’t exactly turn out like that. It wasn’t exactly the nice quiet, relaxing, romantic break away that I had hoped for. We even had an argument on Sunday and we didn’t do any BD at all, not that there was much opportunity to do it.

I don’t know why I expected it to be any different. We have come back home to the same crap; debts, small dark flat, no money because we spent it all on the weekend, arguments. We may as well have stayed at home and saved the money.

Being away has made me realise though how much time I spend on the internet and it has to be cut down. It has also made me realise how much I really do want another baby, which kind of contradicts what I have written above as surely if we are going through a rough patch then the added strain of TTC a baby is the last thing we need, but a part of me feels that the reason we are now at this stage is because we do not have a living baby. A part of me feels that a new pregnancy may just bring a part of the old us back. I have a strong feeling I may be living in dream land though.

We visited Bobby’s grave yesterday for the first time since he was buried. It’s just a pile of dirt at the moment as its waiting to settle, so it felt a bit odd standing over it. I didn’t feel comfortable being there. There was no sense of peace like my Nan and Granddad’s grave has always had. I hope that changes once the earth has settled and the grave is turfed over.

Despite the lack of BD I am a day late on my AF. Not that I’m worried as it’s the only the second one since his death and I’m not expecting my cycle to go straight back to 28 days any time soon. I will give it until the end of the week and see if she calls or not. If not and the stick says ‘nooo don’t be silly, you have to be BD in order to get pregnant’ then I shall send out a search party.

It’s our 11th anniversary tomorrow. I feel like I’ve been saying that for ages. We were planning on having a meal but we had a fairly expensive one on Saturday night so we decided to instead go to the cinema and watch a film {funny enough} but it turns out the one we want to see doesn’t come out until Friday, so after all that we will probably get a takeaway and do b * gger all. No surprises there then.

I just hope he remembers to buy me a card. I may make myself one and leave it out for him to put his name to though, just in case.