Cant Cope Anymore

As it’s now only 57 days until what would have been Bobby's due date I am becoming increasingly upset with every visit to baby forum I am a part of.

I have already taken the 4th November off of work as I know I will be in a state but I have also decided that I will avoid that forum altogether come November.

There are many of the girls from my old Birth Board on my friends list on FB which is going to be hard enough to deal with looking at their newborns photos and reading their status updates, so I can only imagine what it will be like seeing over a thousand BA’s and every time thinking 'this should have been us'.

I know this sounds selfish and I do wish all the girls well but I’m currently finding the days harder and harder to cope with since Bobby's death, and as the time draws nearer it gets harder and harder. I want nothing more than to get it over and done with. I want November to be gone. I want what would have been our first Christmas to be gone. I want 2010 to bring us the family that we have tried for so long to achieve.

I don’t wish to appear selfish but I feel like I am being tortured with every visit to either site; the stupid thing is, is that it is me who is torturing myself.