Loves Surprises

I received a letter from the hospital yesterday confirming an appointment at the end of August to see a Consultant Obstetrician to ‘discuss your recent pregnancy loss’.

It says in the letter that we will get the results back from the bloods which were taken after Bobby’s birth and the results from the placenta, as well as having the opportunity to discuss any future pregnancies and the care I may need when that time comes. There will also be a Counsellor present.

Whilst reading the letter out to my OH I asked him if he wanted to come. He said no and went on to explain that he doesn’t want to go because the Councillor will be there and it will be like dragging it all back up again and he thinks time will be enough for him.

He then went on to say, ‘plus you don’t need to see her either do you’, to which I replied, ‘well…’ He asked me what I meant and I told him that maybe it would be good to talk to someone about it and I confessed how I cry myself to sleep every night.

It seems silly but that was such a big thing to confess to him not only the crying part but also the fact that I was considering ‘help’. Even though I will willingly confess my inner most deepest feelings to the world via the Internet, I can not talk about my emotions with my friends or family. I even have trouble telling my parents that I love them; I’m not sure why. I was loved so much as a kid and although I’m a naturally very emotional person I can not express myself in that way to those nearest to me.

What my OH said next surprised me in a nice way.

He said ‘I sometimes cry too’. This is a very big thing to hear. He never ever, ever talks about his emotions either unless something slips out during an argument. He went on to say that he has ‘silly moments’ when he’s by himself and he thinks about things.

It just goes to show that despite being together for all this time and thinking we knew each other inside out, we are actually still able to surprise each other.

That’s nice and in a funny but sad way, it’s our Angel Bobby who’s made us realise that and it is he who has brought us together that little bit closer.