It was my best friends, little girl’s party on Saturday and we had to transform her court yard into a beach; queue the above photo.
It was a good day but a day where I met up with a lot of people for the first time since Bobby’s death.
I found out throughout the day, that my friend had obviously not told everyone the full story of Bobby’s death. I can’t remember the amount of times I had to re-account the events nor see the look of pity on people’s faces when I mentioned that, no I had infact gone through labour to deliver a dead child and yes! there was a funeral. What do people think happens to a baby after it is born asleep exactly? Where do they think they would possibly go?
I heard so many clichés that day I could write a fre aking Masters Degree Exam Paper on the subject.
The one that really p ss ed me off the most was; ‘s t happens’.
Yes s t does happen. we got s tt ed on big time but when your talking about my Son, please don’t mention the word s t in the same sentence as his name. You may not have heard him cry, he didn’t breathe the same air as you, nor open his eyes and see the same blue sky as you but he was still a human being. He was a pure innocent baby boy.
Of course I didn’t say that but now, sitting here typing away I wish I had. It’s now really fre aking bothering me.
I know that women especially don’t know what to say when faced with people like us but please if you don’t know what to say, say f k all and just give us a hug and a sorry instead.
It would be a lot more appreciated then fobbing us off with the first cliché that enters your head. We are worth more then a cliché!
Yes we are hurting like hell inside and yes we appear to be ok on the outside, but don’t presume for one moment that that means we are not crumbling away inside.
Angel Mummy’s wear our masks extremely well and rarely remove them in public.
Don’t presume that just because we appear to be listening to you rambling on about this and that and how bad your day has been, that we are not off in our own thoughts about what should have been and what bad days are really like.
Don’t take us at face value either. I’m not asking that your world should stop just because ours has, I’m asking that when you sit there and ask us ‘how are you?’, please listen to our answer before jumping onto the next topic of conversation. I mean REALLY listen to our answer, because if you listen hard enough, you will hear our truth.
Rant over. Mind a little clearer. Thank you for taking note of said above.
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Amen sister.
ReplyDeleteAfter Nicholas and Sophia died, my girlfriend Ann came over for a visit and asked about their labors and their very short lives. Afterwards, she just hugged me and said "this sucks". That was more comforting than any of the other comments where people tried to think of something to say.
It kills me when people say wrong, insensitive things. Or when they say "you've obviously moved on because you're smiling." Really? Is it that easy?