Questions Answered

I’m sitting at work but I can’t concentrate.

We have an appointment with the Consultant at the hospital at 2:30pm this afternoon.

It is to go over the reasons why our Son died, to go over the results of the blood test taken straight after his birth and the tests from the placenta to see if there was anything abnormal from both. It will also be the first time I get to meet with the Counsellor to discuss any possible sessions with her. The Consultant will apparently go over any care that I will receive in any further pregnancies.

The thing is I know why Bobby died. We have it confirmed in the letter which we received last week from the Chief Exec of the hospital. As written previously I looked into possible liability action against the hospital and my Doctor for firstly not noticing that my waters had broken and for secondly being left with the umbilical cord hanging out for hours despite Bobby having a heartbeat when we got there.

However every solicitor I spoke to agreed that yes errors were made and that I should have been treated differently but they would not be able to find the evidence to prove that had anything been any different, he would have lived. Instead they told me to make a formal written complaint to my hospital of which I did and of which resulted in the letter.

The letter apologised, quite a lot and explained that there had been an investigation into my complaint. He advised that because there was no pulse from the cord when I arrived at the hospital, it was inevitable that our Son would die as once it stops, it can not be restarted again. He apologised that I was not advised of this by the MW at the time. This had been the main thing which had haunted me for weeks. The questions of was our son left to die, could he be alive today had he been monitored when we got to the hospital? The answer to both questions is no. From the time the cord came out to the time he died was 2 hours. The questions, did he suffer, did he know what was happening; no Doctor can answer but I may just ask the Consultant today anyway, just to see what he says.

I took a pregnancy test on Friday, of course it was negative but now I know that the moment I do get a positive, it’s the new pregnancy and no longer Bobby.

It’s our 11 year anniversary on the 2nd September and we are planning on going away for the weekend. The full plans are yet to be arranged/agreed on, but I think it’s what we need. I want to be able to turn off our mobiles and to be as far away from London to feel as though it’s just the two of us on our own, to re-jog our memories as to what it was like to spend time together and to actually have some fun. We used to have a lot of fun. I miss that most about us.

Right, back to work before payroll are on my case asking where these hours are.