Fertility reading using the Robin Wood Tarot Deck.
I was drawn to choose an Angel card from the Archangel Michael deck that I have and I also did a chakra clearing for you Lucy, as well as doing the normal fertility spread. I hope this is ok that I did this?
I used a clear quartz pendulum to show me how your chakras were working and those that were blocked, I then asked the pendulum to clear the blockage to help the energies flow better. I don't know if you know much about the chakra system, but to mention briefly that there are seven main chakras that we all have. All but two of yours were blocked. The heart chakra in particular was very stuck and took three goes to clear it and get it running smoothly again. You may notice that your energy levels are different, either better, or you may feel more tired. You may feel also feel slightly more emotional than normal, or you may feel nothing at all! All of these reactions are normal and are the stuck energies starting to clear, a bit like when you do a detox.
As I was shuffling the Angel cards, two flipped out which I took as the Angels choosing which cards and their messages they wanted for you :-)
The first card is called “Go forward fearlessly” This card shows that the Angels are supporting you in making changes and to not be afraid of moving forwards and leaving old hurts behind. The prayer with this card says “ thank you for walking with me every step of the way, for holding my hand, giving me confidence and courage, and guiding my thoughts and actions in the direction of love and my true life's purpose,”
The second card is called “your inner guidance is real and trustworthy” This card says that your angels know you are feeling uncertain or confused and that they are saying it is ok and safe to move forwards. The prayer on this card says “ please help me clearly hear, see, feel, and know the divine guidance that I have asked and prayed for. Allow me to keep my ego out of the way so your wisdom can come streaming through me for my own benefit and for those around me.”
I choose three cards for your fertility reading Lucy. The first card relates to how things have been for you in the recent past and affecting you just now. This card is the six of Pentacles and shows a card of giving and generosity. There is a sharing and kindness here that I feel is showing that you have been doing a lot of giving and sharing that has helped and benefited others perhaps, as well as helping you too. It is a rather lovely, gentle karmic feeling of being able to help others that is bringing so much back to you now. This giving has been totally selfless though and not given with the intention of looking for return at all and so there is a lovely feeling of this return bringing with it a healing in a way?
The next card, the four of Wands, shows other factors affecting you in the present moment. This card is quite a peaceful card showing that just now, you are just going with the flow and comfortable to be where you are at and happy with the status quo in a way? Despite this, you are perhaps without even realising it, continuing to put down roots and strengthen your security and foundations around you in your home and family life. Things are slowly beginning to change and preparing you for taking the next steps forwards in creating your happy home.
The last card is the eight of Swords and shows a possible future pathway for you. Now this card shows me a lot of fear and stress but it is fear that is in a way, in your own mind. It is like you have put a blindfold on and are more fearful of what you think is around you and ahead of you than the truth actually is? I sort of feel like maybe there is even a bit of guilt there? Fear and guilt has a way of crippling us from taking steps forward and of what the future may bring, but I do feel that you will find a way to shake this off and break free of these thoughts and feelings. What is blocking you, you will overcome and you will find your confidence again! You will begin to feel more empowered and strong enough to take steps forward. It is like you will search your inner self and find the strength to break free of negativity that holds you back. So from a dark place hidden behind the blindfold, you will feel strong enough to look forward and allow yourself to begin to feel happy again x
I used my rose quartz pendulum to ask about a future pregnancy for you. It said there would be a pregnancy for you this year and that conception may take place in the months of March and April and that there would be a girl for you. The cards I drew to support this was the seven of Wands, which to me, means a spring conception and the two of Swords being a female energy, so also showing a girl for you!
Love and light x
Friday, 19 February 2010
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Cant Think of a Title
I thought this a good time to write a journal after seeing tons of posts on the net about the 'One Born Every Minute' programme *rolls eyes*.
Having read some of the comments from the ladies I'm feeling quite tearful from just seeing the comments, let alone the sights and sounds of the programme; I knew I was right to avoid it like the plague. Thankfully my OH is watching 'Last Woman Standing' so there was never a chance of watching it anyway.
A simple programme of something which happens every single day is yet more confirmation that there are still some things I must avoid in order to keep my sanity. There is no point in punishing yourself for no reason.
A strange thing happened in the early hours Sunday morning. After Goggling myself - as in my screen name not my real name - I came across a link to this blog on 'a real-time search engine for breaking news and topical content' (or so it says).
Having clicked this link it took me through to a Norwegian woman's Twitter page. Very random. She had linked to this blog commenting; 'been reading this blog, I'm crying my eyes out.'
It’s strange because despite having had a personal blog since 2004 its the first time I’ve ever seen anyone link to it. It’s a whole different feeling from receiving a comment on a post. It’s quite strange when you know a stranger has been so affected by your words on their screen that they link to it in order to share it with their friends or contacts. Its also quite a hard hitting reminder that as soon as you hit the Save or Post button, your inner most thoughts or emotions are no longer your own.
I'm not quite sure where this post is going in all honesty ...
Seeing her reaction to my words has got me thinking; if she felt the need to cry her eyes out over something which a stranger on the web has written then just how bad was it for us to have lived through? I actually can not remember the intensity of that pain anymore. I know that sounds strange but it makes perfect sense in my mind.
As much as the bad days come and sometime stay; its not until I'm forced to remember how bad that period of time was straight after we lost him, do I truly realise just how far I have come.
I don't want Bobby's short life and death to be in vain. Before he was conceived I was always in the mind that 'everything happens for a reason'.
Seven months down the line; I still cant find that reason, so instead of keep looking for something of which I might never find, I have woken up to the fact that I should instead 'do' something to make that pain worthwhile.
Unfortunately, I don't have a clue what or how ...
Having read some of the comments from the ladies I'm feeling quite tearful from just seeing the comments, let alone the sights and sounds of the programme; I knew I was right to avoid it like the plague. Thankfully my OH is watching 'Last Woman Standing' so there was never a chance of watching it anyway.
A simple programme of something which happens every single day is yet more confirmation that there are still some things I must avoid in order to keep my sanity. There is no point in punishing yourself for no reason.
A strange thing happened in the early hours Sunday morning. After Goggling myself - as in my screen name not my real name - I came across a link to this blog on 'a real-time search engine for breaking news and topical content' (or so it says).
Having clicked this link it took me through to a Norwegian woman's Twitter page. Very random. She had linked to this blog commenting; 'been reading this blog, I'm crying my eyes out.'
It’s strange because despite having had a personal blog since 2004 its the first time I’ve ever seen anyone link to it. It’s a whole different feeling from receiving a comment on a post. It’s quite strange when you know a stranger has been so affected by your words on their screen that they link to it in order to share it with their friends or contacts. Its also quite a hard hitting reminder that as soon as you hit the Save or Post button, your inner most thoughts or emotions are no longer your own.
I'm not quite sure where this post is going in all honesty ...
Seeing her reaction to my words has got me thinking; if she felt the need to cry her eyes out over something which a stranger on the web has written then just how bad was it for us to have lived through? I actually can not remember the intensity of that pain anymore. I know that sounds strange but it makes perfect sense in my mind.
As much as the bad days come and sometime stay; its not until I'm forced to remember how bad that period of time was straight after we lost him, do I truly realise just how far I have come.
I don't want Bobby's short life and death to be in vain. Before he was conceived I was always in the mind that 'everything happens for a reason'.
Seven months down the line; I still cant find that reason, so instead of keep looking for something of which I might never find, I have woken up to the fact that I should instead 'do' something to make that pain worthwhile.
Unfortunately, I don't have a clue what or how ...
Suggestions in the Box please
Thought this a good time to write a journal after seeing tons of posts on BC about the 'One Born Every Minute' programme.
Having read some of the comments from the ladies I'm feeling quite tearful from just seeing the comments, let alone the sights and sounds of the programme; I knew I was right to avoid it like the plague. Thankfully my OH is watching 'Last Woman Standing' so there was never a chance of watching it anyway.
A simple programme of something of which happens every single day is yet more confirmation that there are still some things I must avoid in order to keep my mind well. There is no point in punishing yourself for no reason after all.
A strange thing happened in the early hours Sunday morning. After Goggling myself (not my real name - I'm not that sad nor was I that bored - on my chat screen name and another I have used for many years) I came across a link back to his blog on 'a real-time search engine for breaking news and topical content' (or so it says).
Having clicked this link it took me through to a Norwegian woman's Twitter page. Very random. She had linked to my web page commenting; 'been reading this blog, I'm crying my eyes out.' Let me reiterate; very random.
It’s strange because despite having had a personal web page since 2004 its the first time I’ve ever seen anyone link back to it. It’s a whole different feeling from receiving a comment on a post on a chat board. It’s quite strange when you know a stranger has been so affected by your words on their screen that they link to it in order to share it with their friends or contacts. Its also quite a hard hitting reminder that as soon as you hit the Save or Post button, your inner most thoughts or emotions are no longer your own.
I'm not quite sure where this post is going so I apologise...
Seeing her reaction to my words has got me thinking; if she felt the need to cry her eyes out over something of which a stranger on the web has written then just how bad was it for us to have lived through it? I actually can not remember the intensity of the pain anymore. I know that sounds strange but for some reason it makes perfect sense.
As much as the bad days come and sometime stay for an hour, 8 hours, 2 days whatever; its not until I'm forced to remember how bad that period of time was straight after we lost him, do I truly realise just how far I have come.
I’ve wanted to post the following on the PAIL board for a good couple of weeks now but I’ve never really found the right way to ask or bring it up so as I'm now just rambling, maybe this is the place to do it.
I don't want Bobby's short life and death to be in vain. Before he was conceived I was always in the mind that 'everything happens for a reason'. 7 months down the line; I still cant find that reason, so instead of keep looking for something of which I might never find, I’ve woken up the fact that I want to instead 'do' something to make the pain worthwhile.
Unfortunately, I don't have a clue what or how... only time will tell.
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Control
Why is it that when things look like they are picking up, things suddenly go pear shaped?
Why is it that everyone around me seems to have more control over my life then I do?
I am currently temping and I have been temping at different places since January 2008. I have gone into every temp job with the mind set to impress, to treat the job as I would a permanent one in the hope that it would impress those around me enough to keep me on permanently.
The last place I temped at was my local Council. I was there for six months and we were in talks about making me permanent and then less then a week later; the company goes through a restructure and stop all recruitment. Luckily I managed to get a full time permanent job elsewhere but they sacked me three months down the line, weeks after telling them I was pregnant.
Because of this I was out of work from fifteen weeks until less then two weeks after Bobby died, when thankfully this current position came along and I really thought this might be it. Its 15 mins down the road and I love it here. I love the people. I even love the work. I have had a feeling all along that this could be the place I finally settle into. The job I could fall pregnant in and return after my maternity.
Three weeks ago however, a woman who has been on maternity leave for the past eighteen months came back. Her position is currently filled by someone else so; as she is only working two days a week, we are now job sharing. The two days she is here I am working in a different department.
Yesterday we had a surprise visit from the top bosses in Head Office. The company is going through a restructure and lots of positions are being deleted and those staff who positions are going, have to reapply for their jobs elsewhere.
The women who I am job sharing with, the job she was doing before maternity and of which she still gets paid for; is one of those positions being deleted. This means she automatically falls into my role should she want it.
If she does then I am out. If she doesn’t then I have to apply to become a permanent member of staff.
I honestly feel like the last six months I have spent here have been a waste of time. What is the point of me going into a temp job full heartily when I get nothing back?
I'm tired of working toward something, only for the finishing line be moved further away the closer I get.
Why can I not be one of those temps who doesn’t give a crap, who literally comes in, does their work and goes home? Why do I always end up getting attached to the people and the place only for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me? In fact, why can I not be like those who are happy to sit at home, popping out babies left right and centre sponging off the Government?
Maybe that’s where I’ve gone wrong. Maybe that is the life I was destined to lead and because I went against it, fate is trying its hardest to grind me down until I give up and go that way. *Thinks* Oh no I forgot I cant even manage the popping out of babies part can I?! FFS!!!
I am tired of having no control.
Our landlady has control over whether or not she wants to renew our contract. My OH has control over when we start TTC and therefore when we finally get to be a proper family. My temp agency has control over whether I earn money or not and determine where I go next. Bobby’s death confirmed that I do not even have control over my own body.
When will I finally be given an overdue and down right deserved break and be allowed back into my own frigging life?!
Why is it that everyone around me seems to have more control over my life then I do?
I am currently temping and I have been temping at different places since January 2008. I have gone into every temp job with the mind set to impress, to treat the job as I would a permanent one in the hope that it would impress those around me enough to keep me on permanently.
The last place I temped at was my local Council. I was there for six months and we were in talks about making me permanent and then less then a week later; the company goes through a restructure and stop all recruitment. Luckily I managed to get a full time permanent job elsewhere but they sacked me three months down the line, weeks after telling them I was pregnant.
Because of this I was out of work from fifteen weeks until less then two weeks after Bobby died, when thankfully this current position came along and I really thought this might be it. Its 15 mins down the road and I love it here. I love the people. I even love the work. I have had a feeling all along that this could be the place I finally settle into. The job I could fall pregnant in and return after my maternity.
Three weeks ago however, a woman who has been on maternity leave for the past eighteen months came back. Her position is currently filled by someone else so; as she is only working two days a week, we are now job sharing. The two days she is here I am working in a different department.
Yesterday we had a surprise visit from the top bosses in Head Office. The company is going through a restructure and lots of positions are being deleted and those staff who positions are going, have to reapply for their jobs elsewhere.
The women who I am job sharing with, the job she was doing before maternity and of which she still gets paid for; is one of those positions being deleted. This means she automatically falls into my role should she want it.
If she does then I am out. If she doesn’t then I have to apply to become a permanent member of staff.
I honestly feel like the last six months I have spent here have been a waste of time. What is the point of me going into a temp job full heartily when I get nothing back?
I'm tired of working toward something, only for the finishing line be moved further away the closer I get.
Why can I not be one of those temps who doesn’t give a crap, who literally comes in, does their work and goes home? Why do I always end up getting attached to the people and the place only for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me? In fact, why can I not be like those who are happy to sit at home, popping out babies left right and centre sponging off the Government?
Maybe that’s where I’ve gone wrong. Maybe that is the life I was destined to lead and because I went against it, fate is trying its hardest to grind me down until I give up and go that way. *Thinks* Oh no I forgot I cant even manage the popping out of babies part can I?! FFS!!!
I am tired of having no control.
Our landlady has control over whether or not she wants to renew our contract. My OH has control over when we start TTC and therefore when we finally get to be a proper family. My temp agency has control over whether I earn money or not and determine where I go next. Bobby’s death confirmed that I do not even have control over my own body.
When will I finally be given an overdue and down right deserved break and be allowed back into my own frigging life?!
Monday, 25 January 2010
Progress
The OH and I had a talk yesterday about the way our relationship is going and how to overcome certain objects we are finding hard to deal with. He says that he is stressed about money but once that starts to pick up one way or another he will feel better about him, us and our future. He says he wants children but wants to be able to provide for them and us first because he doesn’t want the extra worry.
Money to him is a big thing and tb, if we ever have a problem, its normal to do with money. Considering we have been together 11 years we don’t really argue and have never ‘had a break’ etc so I know we are meant for each other and will be together until one of us decides to join Bobby in the sky.
I asked him if he thought he may be depressed and he paused and said ‘maybe’. I asked if he would consider doing something about it like going to the Doctors or speaking to someone but as I expected he fobbed both off. I can’t talk though as I have done exactly the same in the past.
So that’s it. I am leaving it now and see what happens within the next month. Im going to concentrate instead on the next four weekends which are full of visits to friends, my Dad’s 50th Birthday and a friends Baby Shower. Plus I think this is a good time to get back into shape and lose this extra two stones I have put on in the past nine months.
On another note, our flat is up for renewal at the end of February and thankfully our landlady is happy to extend it for another six months.
Work wise; the company I temp for are going through a restructure and a lot of people are going, however, my role is one they can not get rid off and the lady who is currently job sharing with me two days a week must reapply for her position (my current one) and I know that she does not want to come back full time as she is addicted to her baby so, *fingers crossed* she wont reapply and the job will automatically go to me which means it will then become permanent. *Double fingers crossed!*
I have just called my hospital to request all of my notes and letters from my Maternity Book. It wasn’t until after a thread on the support network I am part of that I realised I wanted a copy of everything; right from the first visit to the very end. Maybe it will put some ghosts to bed and help my mind compute what happened.
Money to him is a big thing and tb, if we ever have a problem, its normal to do with money. Considering we have been together 11 years we don’t really argue and have never ‘had a break’ etc so I know we are meant for each other and will be together until one of us decides to join Bobby in the sky.
I asked him if he thought he may be depressed and he paused and said ‘maybe’. I asked if he would consider doing something about it like going to the Doctors or speaking to someone but as I expected he fobbed both off. I can’t talk though as I have done exactly the same in the past.
So that’s it. I am leaving it now and see what happens within the next month. Im going to concentrate instead on the next four weekends which are full of visits to friends, my Dad’s 50th Birthday and a friends Baby Shower. Plus I think this is a good time to get back into shape and lose this extra two stones I have put on in the past nine months.
On another note, our flat is up for renewal at the end of February and thankfully our landlady is happy to extend it for another six months.
Work wise; the company I temp for are going through a restructure and a lot of people are going, however, my role is one they can not get rid off and the lady who is currently job sharing with me two days a week must reapply for her position (my current one) and I know that she does not want to come back full time as she is addicted to her baby so, *fingers crossed* she wont reapply and the job will automatically go to me which means it will then become permanent. *Double fingers crossed!*
I have just called my hospital to request all of my notes and letters from my Maternity Book. It wasn’t until after a thread on the support network I am part of that I realised I wanted a copy of everything; right from the first visit to the very end. Maybe it will put some ghosts to bed and help my mind compute what happened.
Friday, 15 January 2010
Back to Reality Once More
My last journal post seems like it was written an eternity ago. Reading back on it Im glad it does considering what I had written.
I’ve spent the last couple of weeks in ‘hiding’ if truth be told. I needed some space to get my head back together and to give myself the time to step back from anything baby related or real life related for that matter.
I spent that time away from the internet reading. A lot of reading. Infact Id read on the way home from work and after dinner all the way up until 2am when I realised I needed to go to bed in order to get up the next day for work. Last weekend I only stopped reading to cook and eat dinner. I did nothing at all but live in the world of Vampires and Werewolves and it was very much what I needed.
I wonder now if I maybe had a little breakdown but I am in control of it. Last week and the week before I wasn’t; but I am now. I am afteral still learning to live with my new life with the new me.
I know that I have to start looking forward instead of reliving July on a daily basis. I need to get back to talking to my friends and start to socialise once more before I loose them completely. I can’t keep living in the shadow of the 3rd of July 2009.
It’s my OH’s 39th birthday tomorrow. I haven’t asked him how he feels about it and I'm not going to because I don’t want to make him think about it but if the truth be told, I feel a little sad for him. It would have been his first birthday as a Daddy. Because of this I'm determined to make it a special day for him and to make sure he doesn’t have time to dwell on this fact.
I asked him a couple of weeks ago in general conversation that if he could chose a perfect birthday, what would happen. He said he would like to wake up to a McDonalds Breakfast, go out for the day shopping and then come home to his favourite home cooked meal and maybe finish the day with a bit of the other. Luckily for him I'm a very good girlfriend and I have set the day up so that everything on his list is achieved; not that he knows this yet.
I’ve spent the last couple of weeks in ‘hiding’ if truth be told. I needed some space to get my head back together and to give myself the time to step back from anything baby related or real life related for that matter.
I spent that time away from the internet reading. A lot of reading. Infact Id read on the way home from work and after dinner all the way up until 2am when I realised I needed to go to bed in order to get up the next day for work. Last weekend I only stopped reading to cook and eat dinner. I did nothing at all but live in the world of Vampires and Werewolves and it was very much what I needed.
I wonder now if I maybe had a little breakdown but I am in control of it. Last week and the week before I wasn’t; but I am now. I am afteral still learning to live with my new life with the new me.
I know that I have to start looking forward instead of reliving July on a daily basis. I need to get back to talking to my friends and start to socialise once more before I loose them completely. I can’t keep living in the shadow of the 3rd of July 2009.
It’s my OH’s 39th birthday tomorrow. I haven’t asked him how he feels about it and I'm not going to because I don’t want to make him think about it but if the truth be told, I feel a little sad for him. It would have been his first birthday as a Daddy. Because of this I'm determined to make it a special day for him and to make sure he doesn’t have time to dwell on this fact.
I asked him a couple of weeks ago in general conversation that if he could chose a perfect birthday, what would happen. He said he would like to wake up to a McDonalds Breakfast, go out for the day shopping and then come home to his favourite home cooked meal and maybe finish the day with a bit of the other. Luckily for him I'm a very good girlfriend and I have set the day up so that everything on his list is achieved; not that he knows this yet.
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