Suggestions in the Box please

Thought this a good time to write a journal after seeing tons of posts on BC about the 'One Born Every Minute' programme. Having read some of the comments from the ladies I'm feeling quite tearful from just seeing the comments, let alone the sights and sounds of the programme; I knew I was right to avoid it like the plague. Thankfully my OH is watching 'Last Woman Standing' so there was never a chance of watching it anyway. A simple programme of something of which happens every single day is yet more confirmation that there are still some things I must avoid in order to keep my mind well. There is no point in punishing yourself for no reason after all. A strange thing happened in the early hours Sunday morning. After Goggling myself (not my real name - I'm not that sad nor was I that bored - on my chat screen name and another I have used for many years) I came across a link back to his blog on 'a real-time search engine for breaking news and topical content' (or so it says). Having clicked this link it took me through to a Norwegian woman's Twitter page. Very random. She had linked to my web page commenting; 'been reading this blog, I'm crying my eyes out.' Let me reiterate; very random. It’s strange because despite having had a personal web page since 2004 its the first time I’ve ever seen anyone link back to it. It’s a whole different feeling from receiving a comment on a post on a chat board. It’s quite strange when you know a stranger has been so affected by your words on their screen that they link to it in order to share it with their friends or contacts. Its also quite a hard hitting reminder that as soon as you hit the Save or Post button, your inner most thoughts or emotions are no longer your own. I'm not quite sure where this post is going so I apologise... Seeing her reaction to my words has got me thinking; if she felt the need to cry her eyes out over something of which a stranger on the web has written then just how bad was it for us to have lived through it? I actually can not remember the intensity of the pain anymore. I know that sounds strange but for some reason it makes perfect sense. As much as the bad days come and sometime stay for an hour, 8 hours, 2 days whatever; its not until I'm forced to remember how bad that period of time was straight after we lost him, do I truly realise just how far I have come. I’ve wanted to post the following on the PAIL board for a good couple of weeks now but I’ve never really found the right way to ask or bring it up so as I'm now just rambling, maybe this is the place to do it. I don't want Bobby's short life and death to be in vain. Before he was conceived I was always in the mind that 'everything happens for a reason'. 7 months down the line; I still cant find that reason, so instead of keep looking for something of which I might never find, I’ve woken up the fact that I want to instead 'do' something to make the pain worthwhile. Unfortunately, I don't have a clue what or how... only time will tell.