A-Z Challenge: E - Empathy

Since childhood I have always felt ‘different’. I was always the ‘sensitive’ one out of my Brother and I and a huge daydreamer – I still am infact. What better and cheaper way to escape real life then by drifting off into your own mind for 5 minutes or so at a time.

I have always been able to read others body language without trying and I have always had a strong ‘need’ to help others, something which became extremely heightened after Bobby died, so strong infact that I wanted to become a counsellor. By helping others it helped me but the downside to this – which I discovered a year into his death – it held my mind back from learning to accept what had happened. It halted the growth within.

I am always being told to put myself first and I always find myself travelling around the UK to visit friends and family and spending hours on making sure they are well sorted and cared for at special times of the year only to find the majority of the time that I do not receive the same effort in return which often leads to feel of deflation and yet this doesn’t stop me from continuing to do so.

In every group of friends, each friend has a subconscious role. There is always that friend you call up for a drink or a dance, one who you can guarantee you will always have a good time with. There is always that friend who you can go to the cinema with if you fancy a relaxed evening, one who doesn’t mind spending hours doing nothing. And of course there is always that friend you call when you need to rant or who you know will give you advice and make you feel calm; that friend has always been me. I am that poor soul on the bus who mad/drunk/homeless people sit next to every time and talk to.

Despite having many friends and a loving family I often feel alone in my head. I am often described by my friends as being ‘relaxed’ or ‘mellow’ and yet if they were to see within my mind they would use another more appropriate word – you only have to read this blog to understand what I mean. The majority of the time I feel let down by the world and can very quickly go into ‘I want to be alone’ depressive mode. I need at least one day a week to myself, where I don’t go online, where I do not receive a phone call and should I one day become stranded on a dessert island that would be just fine.

Last year while randomly Googleling I came across many articles about Empathy and Empaths and instantly my insides clicked. Finally I had found something which explained perfectly why I had always felt ‘different’.

Why I have always had ‘feelings’ for plants, why I always named my toys, gave them personalities and felt guilty for putting them away or throwing them out. Why I can feel sorry for a rock or twig sitting there on its own in the middle of a patch of grass/dirt. Why I can one day wake up feeling on top of the world only to have my mood change within a millisecond depending on who I was around. Why I find it so easy to walk into a room and read those in there and sense heated situations before they erupt into a fight (something very handy to have while in a club).

Why I have never physically felt ‘alone’ due to the amount of people around me and yet emotionally feel so alone at the same time. Why I find it so bloody impossible to let others know my inner most feelings and yet I am so open when it comes to my life on a practical level. (Thinking about it this blog knows more about the inner most workings of my mind then my actual friends and family do)

My name is Lucy and I am an empath.

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Empathy is the ability to read and understand people and be in-tune with or resonate with others, voluntarily or involuntarily of one's empath capacity.

Empaths have the ability to scan another's psyche for thoughts and feelings or for past, present, and future life occurrences. Many empaths are unaware of how this actually works, and have long accepted that they were sensitive to others.  

Empaths Sense Deep Emotions
Empathy is a feeling of another's true emotions to a point where an empath can relate to that person by sensing true feelings that run deeper than those portrayed on the surface. People commonly put on a show of expression. This is a learned trait of hiding authentic expression in an increasingly demanding society.

An empath can sense the truth behind the cover and will act compassionately to help that person express him/herself, thus making them feel at ease and not so desperately alone.

Empaths experience empathy towards family, children, friends, close associates, complete strangers, pets, plants and inanimate objects. Empathy is not held by time or space. Thus, an empath can feel the emotions of people and things at a distance. Some are empathic towards animals (ie: The Horse Whisperer), to nature, to the planetary system, to mechanical devices or to buildings etc. Others will have a combination of the above.  

Empaths Have Deep Sense of Knowing
Empaths are highly sensitive. This is the term commonly used in describing one's abilities (sensitivity) to another's emotions and feelings. Empaths have a deep sense of knowing that accompanies empathy and are often compassionate, considerate, and understanding of others.

There are also varying levels of strength in empaths which may be related to the individual’s awareness of self, understanding of the powers of empathy, and/or the acceptance or non-acceptance of empathy by those associated with them, including family and peers. Generally, those who are empathic grow up with these tendencies and do not learn about them until later in life.  

Empathy is Inherited
Empathy is genetic, inherent in our DNA, and passed from generation to generation. It is studied both by traditional science and alternative healing practitioners.

Empathy has both biological/genetic and spiritual aspects.

Empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels. From their position in observing what another is saying, feeling and thinking, they come to understand another. They can become very proficient at reading another persons body language and/or study intently the eye movements. While this in itself is not empathy, it is a side-shoot that comes from being observant of others. In a sense, empaths have a complete communication package.  

How Empathy Works
While there is much we don't yet understand about how empathy works, we do have some information. Everything has an energetic vibration or frequency and an empath is able to sense these vibrations and recognize even the subtlest changes undetectable to the naked eye or the five senses.

Words of expression hold an energetic pattern that originates from the speaker. They have a specific meaning particular to the speaker. Behind that expression is a power or force-field, better known as energy. For example, hate often brings about an intense feeling that immediately accompanies the word. The word hate becomes strengthened with the speaker's feeling. It is that person's feelings (energy) that are picked up by empaths, whether the words are spoken, thought or just felt without verbal or bodily expression.

Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are varied, broad and continual, loving, loyal and humorous. They often have interests in many cultures and view them with a broad-minded perspective. They are mother, father, child, friend, nurse, caregiver, teacher, doctor, sales people... to psychic, clairvoyant, healer, etc. (That is not to say that any of these categories are all empaths.) The list is extensive and really unimportant. It is more important to notice that empaths are everywhere--in every culture and throughout the world. 

Empaths Are Good Listeners
Empaths are often very affectionate in personality and expression, great listeners and counsellors (and not just in the professional area). They will find themselves helping others and often putting their own needs aside to do so. In the same breath, they can be much the opposite. They may be quiet, withdrawn from the outside world, loners, depressed, neurotic, life's daydreamers, or even narcissistic.

They are most often passionate towards nature and respect its bountiful beauty. One will often find empaths enjoying the outdoors, beaches, walking, etc. Empaths may find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of release. It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live. The time to get away from it all and unwind with nature becomes essential to the empath. Animals are often dear to the heart of empaths, not as a power object, but as a natural love. It is not uncommon for empaths to have more than one pet in their homes.  

Traits of an Empath
Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they're more inclined to point out another's positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times, quite frankly in respect to themselves. They may have few problems talking about their feelings.

However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at blocking out others and that's not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavour to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.

Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and will have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another's ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.

People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths. Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet! They are like beacons of light.

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding.

Here are the listeners of life. Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one--if only for peace of mind.

Written by Christel Broederlow Copyright (c) 2002 Christel Broederlow Shortened Version from The Empath Report 101