14 weeks {178 days to go}

Dear Bobby,

Since my last post we have had the twelve week scan. You’re perfect.

I swear I can see your Dad's lips and my nose but apart from that you’re perfect. :) I can even see your toes! Your legs are so long just like your Dads. Your head to bum measurement however is a little smaller than average and I'm afraid you've got that from me. There is even a 50,000 to one chance of you being Down's so that is good news.

I’ve also lost my job. I got sacked last Thursday and I am seriously considering taking my employers to a tribunal over it. I won’t write too much about that for now in case it does go to court. So Bob, you are now officially a ‘baby on a budget'. :(

I’ve applied for some temp jobs but with five months to go until I go on Maternity Leave I very much doubt I will get anything. I’m just thankful that as your Dad is self employed, there’s not much chance of him losing his job. I’ve paid my dues in taxes anyway, so I’m due something back from the Government but it’s a shame I have to take it from them now.

I spent this weekend at your Grandparents again as your Dad went fishing; again. I brought the following items for you of which I will admit feels like I'm holding onto them for someone else. Even now at fourteen weeks, you still don't seem real.

A pair of booties
2 pairs of scratch mittens
3 hats
3 pairs of socks
4 bibs
4 vests
6 sleep suits

That's all to report right now. There isn’t a lot going on this month as it all seems to be happening in June. We’ve got our next Midwife appointment on the 4th June and the next scan on the 17 June. It’s also your Uncle's birthday in June too so no doubt I will be back down to your Grandparents for that weekend.

Goodbye for now Bob.

PS: Please stop giving me backache; it hurts!

Love Mummy xox

Sooo Angry

God I can not explain how angry I am right now. Thanks to this I can type it all out without having to scream it out or worse; cry.

I was supposed to have been paid my final wages on May 5th.

I sent an email to work this morning asking where my wages are and I have just had this reply back:

'I sent you a letter last night, advising that I would be paying you up to your last day of employment, rather than paying you up to the end of the month and then waiting until the end of May to pay you for your notice period. This seemed a more practicable thing to do, and would also be better for you to have your salary in one lump sum rather than delaying part of it until the end of May, when our next salary run is made.

I will now do your salary up accordingly, and forward a cheque to you in the post along with your P45 and final payslip'

I.e. they have kept my wages back from me!

After the cheque has arrived, been put into the bank and cleared it will be another two weeks before we get any money!

Our rent was due on the 5th and the bills have come out via DD making us £180 overdrawn. FFS!!! :(

As the OH is self employed, his money is sparingly and to be fair it goes directly into our savings account which means that any money we take from that, takes a week to be moved to the bank account.

This has now made me realise that I need to speak to the Citizens Advice because if they want to f*ck me around ~ its pretty clear they know exactly what they are doing and have done so all along ~ then I will do the same back.

They have messed with the wrong hormonal woman.

14 Weeks

Today I am fourteen weeks pregnant. :)

It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was worried about the bleeding which was occurring and how the twelve week mark seemed so far away. However now; these two weeks since the twelve week mark, have gone quite fast.

I’m also into day three of being unemployed.

I’m off to the dole office this afternoon to get things in motion but I can’t for the life of me find the letter from the employer, so I’m hoping I can find it otherwise any benefit may be delayed.

Being on the dole is the last thing I want but I’m not getting anywhere job hunting and the bills don’t pay themselves.

I know it’s extra hard out there at the moment but each week is now vital and an extra step closer to my maternity leave.

I was expecting my last pay packet yesterday but I’ve checked the bank and nothing has been paid in, however the bills have been paid out so we are now overdrawn.

I know that now I am not working I should be concentrating on housework etc but I just cant get my backside in gear let alone my mind in the right place, as at the moment it feels like I’m simply on annual leave.

Oh well, I'll have a nosey on the www and then back to reality it is.

Nursery

Something has started to bother me even though I realise it’s not a necessity yet because we live in an 'I want it all' world it’s becoming an issue; even if it appears to be a stupid one to some.

Because we currently live in a one bedroom flat which we rent and the contract isn’t due to expire until next February, this will mean that we will not have the privilege of having space to have a nursery.

To be honest it’s only become an issue since I started looking at baby stuff to buy and reading some of the plans ladies have on my Birth Board doesn't help and so when I think of not having a nursery, I feel a tad sad and quite jealous.

Silly yes, but I would just like this baby to have everything there is out there to give it.

Sacked

Yep, today they finally sacked me. :(

I say finally because funny enough before telling them I was pregnant, they had no problem with my work.

Five weeks down the line they have had me in the office three times, going through every piece of my work and thinking about it, making sure I had signed my contract which funny enough I hadn’t receive beforehand, plus every other day I have been told off for one thing or another.

Today I was told off for my status on Messenger. We use Messenger to communicate at work as we are separated over a three floors. As you would expect sometimes people change their status, it’s natural. Yesterday, I changed mine to 'Is it Friday yet? If not, why not?’ Apparently, according to my Manager it shows that I don’t want to be there ... I said I thought it was funny and doesn’t everyone long for the weekend. She says it isnt and that no they dont.

My last day is next Thursday, however, tomorrow will be my last day because if they think I am going in for three days next week while I could be at home sorting my arse out trying to find another job then they really don’t have a clue.

Another thing to add is that the week after I told them I was pregnant, they started interviewing for my replacement, telling me that I would be moved from my role as PA to Admin. I even spent Monday and Tuesday training her FFS!

I really thought that things had finally turned around in our life.

Oh well, life goes on as they say. We have struggled before and we coped so we shall do it again I guess.

All this crying has given me a headache. It’s a shame I can’t have an alcoholic drink as I could really do with one or five right now.

First Time Mum Worries

As amazing as Fridays scan was, it has suddenly made it all real.

I’ve been allowing myself over the weekend to start to imagine it being born, it growing into a toddler and that’s as far as I get before I start to panic.

I’m laughing as I type but I’m actually sh*tting myself that:

a) I’ll be a crap Mum

b) I’ll not know what to the hell to do with it when it does arrive

c) I’ll not feed it enough, I'll keep it too warm and vice verse

d) That the stress of sleepless nights will cause us problems

e) That we can not afford it …

Actually scrap that last thought; no one can afford to have a child.