A Month Away

Wow it’s been a while.

It’s not so much the fact that it’s been nearly a month since the last post; it is more the fact that I am typing this on my work computer. They blocked Blogger more than six months ago so I am not sure how Ive managed to get back on here today. Hey, I’m not complaining.

The past month has been hectic to say the least.

Lisas Stars has taken off in dramatic style which is fantastic. As well as still being a part of the London Regional Rep Team I have fallen into the role of helping to enlist new Representatives. Its amazing how much can get done with people taking time out to help us and asking for nothing in return.

The OH and I are having a 'date night' tonight. A very much needed evening together where the arguments will hopefully be replaced with DTD!

Speaking of which the TTC isn’t really going that well but then what can I expect when my ever growing fat a * se is sat in one spot all night on the sofa in front of the laptop when it should be sat on something else making babies! To be honest, everything to do with ‘baby making’ has been pushed to the back of my mind simply because there is no room left for it due to it being ever filled with things to remember for Lisas Stars and work in general lol. For the first time in months I don’t feel weighed down by not being pregnant.

It is my 30th birthday in exactly 39 days *rolls eyes* and so, unhappy with my weight/dress size/hormones etc I have this week started to do something about it.

I have signed myself up to walk half a marathon in and around the streets of Battersea on the 24th July in just my bra and jogging bottoms. The intention was good at first but as it draws nearer and as Ive yet to do something to make sure I don’t give the public a shock of their lives, the butterflies have kicked in.

My best friend and I started attending Zumba classes twice a week quite some weeks back now which is great fun. Well one of the classes is I should say. Monday's class is held in a working mans club hall by a ‘proper’ dance teacher who is brilliant and the amount of sweat that pours out of this body is amazing. The fact that the hall is small and there are only around 20 people at each class means that you can see and hear what is going on, which helps greatly when you are trying to learn new steps. I could quite happily attend her class everyday if it wasn’t for the fact that she doesn’t hold them everyday... :/

Thursday night’s class however is different in many ways. It is held in the gym hall by an aerobic instructor and as we are always forced to the back of the hall where we can see and hear nothing, we often find ourselves spending the 45 minuets laughing or getting annoyed because we have no idea WTF is going on. I hate Thursday's class infact. So much so that I’m joining the gym next week and will replace the Zumba for a gym session.

I started a new ‘diet’ yesterday. Ok its not a diet, it’s a ‘stop eating 12 chocolate bars and drinking 20 cans of coke a day, get off your a * se and cut your portion sizes down you lard tart’ healthy eating plan.

Ive also started taking multivitamins, iron and evening primrose oil too to give the old body a boost. Fingers crossed the public will not be shocked!

Away from the diet and work, we finally ordered Bobbys grave stone two weeks ago. I am sure when it is placed I will feel sad at finally seeing it, but knowing that its ordered and that he will finally have a beautiful place to rest in makes me feel happy. It’s a simple stone of 12x6x6 in white with black lettering; with a butterfly in the top right hand corner but simple is what we wanted. The OH’s friend is a stone mason so has thankfully given us the stone for free, so all we have had to pay for is the lettering and for it to be laid.

If it wasn’t for his friend I don’t think we would have ever been able to afford a stone but I have my fingers crossed that is is made and laid in time for his 2nd birthday on the 3rd July.

It’s ridiculous how much money death can make and cost someone. Financially as well as emotionally.

Fcuk this Siht

Why do I do it to myself.

Why do I let people I dont even know upset me.

A post written yesturday from a woman on my old birth board saying they started TTC two weeks ago and today; she has a BFP.

2 weeks vs 22 months. Whats with that. Why her when she already has two healthy childen; one the age Bobby should be at now and shes been gifted with yet another without even trying???

WTF DO I NEED TO DO TO BE ALLOWED TO HAVE ONE?????? WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!

To Write their Names in the Sand

I'm a very proud Mummy right now.

My little man's name has been written in the sand of an Australian beach.

If you are an Angel Parent and you haven't already, please check out this site.

Prayers Answered

Thank you to everyone who prayed and/or left a message.

My friends girl was discharged from hospital yesterday and is well and truly on the mend.

It was close, they were taken to the family room just after she was transferred to another hospital and told that they could not guarantee she would wake but thankfully the CT Scan showed no sign of damage to her brain or organs and they managed to wake her from the machine at around 2am that night.

On a scale of 1-15 in regards to the level of deepness in a coma (didn't know there was a scale but there you go) she was at number 3.

Maybe prayers do work after all.

On another note, it appears I have had a very early miscarriage again. I tested two days ago and had a nice dark line and yet last night I started experiencing cramps and today I have been bleeding with some clots and there was only one line on todays test.

I had a little cry earlier on today but with this being the second early miscarriage since Bobby 22 months ago, its the proof Ive needed these past few months that I am capable of fall pregnant and that we are DTD at the correct time since we changed our methods 3 months ago

I know a loss is a loss but this is nothing compared to that of giving birth to a sleeping baby so I am no way devastated as what I was 22 months ago.

I have promised myself that I shall never ever test until way after my AF is late even if there is something inside telling me to do so. They do say that 70% of pregnancies are chemical or early miscarriages when trying so hopefully we've reached that mark now over the past nearly 5 years and that the next time I do fall pregnant, we manage to make it to the full nine months on our 5th attempt. 

One day.

Prayers

Ive made it quite clear a number of times within this blog that I do not believe in God however for the first time in my life, tonight I shall be praying in case someone is listening.

An hour ago I had a call from my best friend to say she was with her 12 year old in hospital in intensive care after she found her daughter passed out from alcohol. She had been 'dumped' by her first boyfriend only a few days ago ... we all know that the world seems to end at that age over what we now class as 'stupid' things but really, please do not let this be a waste of a life over something so so stupid.

She is currently not breathing on her own; the machine is doing that for her and they are currently waiting for a CT-scan to see what is happening. This is a very very scary time for all.

If you believe or even if you don't, please pray that she does make it through and that she wakes up with only an extremely bad hangover.

A-Z Word Challenge: O - One Lonely Journey

Yet another PM to let me personally know that they are pregnant (2nd in a week).

Yet another birth announcement on my news feed to congratulate.

Yet another friend visited, having had cuddles with their new born (2nd in one weekend)

Yet another bout of feeling like a dog who has pissed on the carpet having their nose rubbed into it to show them how crap they are despite it being the most natural thing in the world.