Why do I do it to myself.
Why do I let people I dont even know upset me.
A post written yesturday from a woman on my old birth board saying they started TTC two weeks ago and today; she has a BFP.
2 weeks vs 22 months. Whats with that. Why her when she already has two healthy childen; one the age Bobby should be at now and shes been gifted with yet another without even trying???
WTF DO I NEED TO DO TO BE ALLOWED TO HAVE ONE?????? WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Saturday, 7 May 2011
To Write their Names in the Sand
My little man's name has been written in the sand of an Australian beach.
If you are an Angel Parent and you haven't already, please check out this site.
Sunday, 24 April 2011
Prayers Answered
Thank you to everyone who prayed and/or left a message.
My friends girl was discharged from hospital yesterday and is well and truly on the mend.
It was close, they were taken to the family room just after she was transferred to another hospital and told that they could not guarantee she would wake but thankfully the CT Scan showed no sign of damage to her brain or organs and they managed to wake her from the machine at around 2am that night.
On a scale of 1-15 in regards to the level of deepness in a coma (didn't know there was a scale but there you go) she was at number 3.
Maybe prayers do work after all.
On another note, it appears I have had a very early miscarriage again. I tested two days ago and had a nice dark line and yet last night I started experiencing cramps and today I have been bleeding with some clots and there was only one line on todays test.
I had a little cry earlier on today but with this being the second early miscarriage since Bobby 22 months ago, its the proof Ive needed these past few months that I am capable of fall pregnant and that we are DTD at the correct time since we changed our methods 3 months ago
I know a loss is a loss but this is nothing compared to that of giving birth to a sleeping baby so I am no way devastated as what I was 22 months ago.
I have promised myself that I shall never ever test until way after my AF is late even if there is something inside telling me to do so. They do say that 70% of pregnancies are chemical or early miscarriages when trying so hopefully we've reached that mark now over the past nearly 5 years and that the next time I do fall pregnant, we manage to make it to the full nine months on our 5th attempt.
One day.
My friends girl was discharged from hospital yesterday and is well and truly on the mend.
It was close, they were taken to the family room just after she was transferred to another hospital and told that they could not guarantee she would wake but thankfully the CT Scan showed no sign of damage to her brain or organs and they managed to wake her from the machine at around 2am that night.
On a scale of 1-15 in regards to the level of deepness in a coma (didn't know there was a scale but there you go) she was at number 3.
Maybe prayers do work after all.
On another note, it appears I have had a very early miscarriage again. I tested two days ago and had a nice dark line and yet last night I started experiencing cramps and today I have been bleeding with some clots and there was only one line on todays test.
I had a little cry earlier on today but with this being the second early miscarriage since Bobby 22 months ago, its the proof Ive needed these past few months that I am capable of fall pregnant and that we are DTD at the correct time since we changed our methods 3 months ago
I know a loss is a loss but this is nothing compared to that of giving birth to a sleeping baby so I am no way devastated as what I was 22 months ago.
I have promised myself that I shall never ever test until way after my AF is late even if there is something inside telling me to do so. They do say that 70% of pregnancies are chemical or early miscarriages when trying so hopefully we've reached that mark now over the past nearly 5 years and that the next time I do fall pregnant, we manage to make it to the full nine months on our 5th attempt.
One day.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Prayers
Ive made it quite clear a number of times within this blog that I do not believe in God however for the first time in my life, tonight I shall be praying in case someone is listening.
An hour ago I had a call from my best friend to say she was with her 12 year old in hospital in intensive care after she found her daughter passed out from alcohol. She had been 'dumped' by her first boyfriend only a few days ago ... we all know that the world seems to end at that age over what we now class as 'stupid' things but really, please do not let this be a waste of a life over something so so stupid.
She is currently not breathing on her own; the machine is doing that for her and they are currently waiting for a CT-scan to see what is happening. This is a very very scary time for all.
If you believe or even if you don't, please pray that she does make it through and that she wakes up with only an extremely bad hangover.
An hour ago I had a call from my best friend to say she was with her 12 year old in hospital in intensive care after she found her daughter passed out from alcohol. She had been 'dumped' by her first boyfriend only a few days ago ... we all know that the world seems to end at that age over what we now class as 'stupid' things but really, please do not let this be a waste of a life over something so so stupid.
She is currently not breathing on her own; the machine is doing that for her and they are currently waiting for a CT-scan to see what is happening. This is a very very scary time for all.
If you believe or even if you don't, please pray that she does make it through and that she wakes up with only an extremely bad hangover.
Monday, 18 April 2011
A-Z Word Challenge: O - One Lonely Journey
Yet another PM to let me personally know that they are pregnant (2nd in a week).
Yet another birth announcement on my news feed to congratulate.
Yet another friend visited, having had cuddles with their new born (2nd in one weekend)
Yet another bout of feeling like a dog who has pissed on the carpet having their nose rubbed into it to show them how crap they are despite it being the most natural thing in the world.
Yet another birth announcement on my news feed to congratulate.
Yet another friend visited, having had cuddles with their new born (2nd in one weekend)
Yet another bout of feeling like a dog who has pissed on the carpet having their nose rubbed into it to show them how crap they are despite it being the most natural thing in the world.
Friday, 15 April 2011
A-Z Blogging Challenge: M - What Makes a Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?" and I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother, when your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, he replied, with confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies, when they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath, and cleared his throat, and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you, what your child is doing Here...
If you could see your child smile, with other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly, my Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much, but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one, Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home, and this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me, until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of right from the very start.
I asked, "What makes a Mother?" and I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother, when your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, he replied, with confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies, when they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath, and cleared his throat, and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you, what your child is doing Here...
If you could see your child smile, with other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly, my Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much, but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one, Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home, and this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me, until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of right from the very start.
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